Things I don’t really understand

• Four way stops
• How the Detroit fan at last night’s Toronto-Montreal game managed to spill someone else’s beer down my knee high boot from two feet away
• Why Britney going bald is earth shattering news
• The purpose of a poke on Facebook
• My job
• Guys
• Brown guys
• Brown people
• Why my non-Catholic self always gives up something for Lent
• Math
• Why they can’t just bury Anna Nicole’s remains and let her rest in peace
• Girls who own ugly bikinis and hit on my obviously engaged friends
• The backlash over Oprah opening a school for girls in Africa. These girls are getting an education they wouldn’t otherwise. Far fewer girls are educated than boys in underdeveloped countries anyway.
• The existence of marshmallows…they’re like nothing found in nature or derived from naturalness.
• Gas prices.
• Girls who pretend to be more innocent/virginal than they really are.
• People who don’t like chocolate.
• Reality TV.

Canadian eh?

So I traded in my stilettos, skirts and Starbucks for a week of snow pants, Timberlands, and the great outdoors. I’ve accepted the concept of winter in the last few years since I left a city in which the only ice to be found was in glasses of sweet tea but until this past week I hadn’t embraced winter. I bonded with winter…built a snowman, spent some time with my feet on cross country skis (and my bum on the ground), slid down huge hills in a tube, discovered I love snow shoeing and swam in an outdoor pool with frozen hair and snow blowing in my face. It was superterrificfantasticallyawesome!

A whole entire week of waking up when and because the sun was shining through the curtains and on my face. Pancakes and hash browns for breakfast. No makeup. No commuting. Not going to work. Napping. Eating lunch in a hot tub. The most complicated scheduling I had to do was fitting in a swim and sauna time after snowtubing but before dinner and the Leafs game (they lost). Baking brownies. Girly movies. Wait did I mention the hot tub?

A fabulous week gone too fast, no broken bones as thankfully I didn’t end up in any trees. I’m back in the land of bad drivers, much missed coffee shops and desperately in need of a manicure.

Karma

I have an “aunt” (she’s really a family friend but I’m brown so everyone’s an aunt or uncle and as a result I don’t really know who is and is not related to me) who talks about nothing but the punishments that await us in the next life and the suffering of the soul in the grave. According to Stats Canada, average life expectancy for a woman is 88 years, this leaves me 53 years to cross my fingers and hope God doesn’t have suffering planned for me.

Karma on the other hand is a bitch. And it doesn’t wait 53 years to bite you in the ass. N and I are secretly middle aged and so were shopping for glassware when I looked over and saw Aunt Suffering one aisle over. Not wanting to be told how much I was going to suffer later on and not wanting to hear about my glassware shopping for the next three months from other “aunts” who have nothing better to do than gossip about people who buy glasses on pleasant sunny afternoons I grabbed N and dragged her off to another section and congratulated myself on avoiding the situation.

Two hours later, glasses bought and lunch eaten, N dropped me off at home….to find Aunt Suffering and her husband at my front door. Karma: 1, Ruby 0.

Happy 80th!

February 17, 1927: The world is graced with the presence of the Toronto Maple Leafs.
(Between 1927-1927 they were called the Arenas and then the St Patricks until Smythe bought and renamed them.)

February 17, 2007: The eightieth birthday celebration consisted of Pohl and Sundin each scoring twice and beating the Oilers. The 1967 team, partially, was there to celebrate as well. We won, I had a fantastic $8 hot dog and we didn’t have any players get injured tonight. Good night of hockey. Go Leafs go!

MIA

Lost: One giant army green duffle bag. If anyone finds my beloved duffel bag please return to moi ASAP.

Last seen: Possibly a year ago.

What this means: I need to take more road trips with friends. That way I won’t misplace it.

complaining about complaining

(I am complaining about people who complain, if you don’t want to hear me complaining about other’s complaints please go away and read something else. Thank you.)

The Brilliant Observations Made by My Brilliantly Observant Colleagues Today:
“OH MY GOD it’s so COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLD.”

Yes. It is cold. Its winter. In Canada. It gets cold here. Deal with it. Get a coat, gloves, a scarf, boots, wear layers and even a balaclava if it helps.

“Look! *pointing out the window* ITS SNOWING! Can you believe it?”

Yes, actually, I can believe that it is snowing in February in Canada. In fact, I’m fairly sure it happens on a regular basis too. Even more shocking is that they have been talking about THIS PARTICULAR SNOWSTORM FOR THE LAST THREE DAYS. What I don’t believe is how you make more money than I do!!!!

“I cannot believe people are expected to go outdoors in this weather, we should have heated tunnels everywhere.”

Hmmmm….well lets see here now…you just went outside to have a smoke…kinda like its your own fault isn’t it?

*sigh* Ok. I’m fine now. Its outta my system.

WTF?

What the hell is going on in the world? The news this evening:

-Karla Homolka had a baby boy. She’s married. And has a child. Does anyone else remember how her last marriage shattered the lives of more people than I can count? And SHE is now in charge of SOMEONE ELSE’S LIFE? Anyone else terrified?

-Anna Nicole Smith passed away today, may she rest in peace.

-a 66-year-old man in Brazil successfully battled a 16-foot-long Anaconda that has wrapped itself around his grandson to save the child.

-Navy Captain Lisa Nowak drove across the country, wearing a diaper, with pepper spray and weapons to murder Air Force Captain Colleen Shipmanwho she thought was a rival as they were both seeing/sleeping with Navy Commander Bill Oefelein. The diaper thing….I got nothing there…but Nowak is married with kids!!!!

-Scott Wiese, Chicago Bears fan and idiot, apparently swore to change his name to PEYTON MANNING if the Bears lost the Superbowl. Since the Bears had their asses handed to them on Sunday he’s applying for a name change.