Poker Face

Someone involved in planning the Miss Universe pagent has an incredible poker face, they should start keeping important state secrets. They managed to convince the rest of the organizers that Heidi Montag would be that extra touch of class, beauty, talent….just that special something the pagent needed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7SUU_R-ld3M

At Least We’re in Agreement

A couple months ago at my engagement party, a step cousin I haven’t seen in years and who nobody is entirely certain was actually invited thought it was the perfect time to announce his (fourth) engagement. So while my family, the boy’s family and our close friends were there to celebrate with us he wandered around and introduced his (fourth) wife to be to my family. And, being that they’re not his family, nobody really cared all that much. Those guests who did know him didn’t much care either because by the time you get engaged for the fourth time people generally aren’t all that excited. 

His mom called me a few days ago to let me know she’s gotten my wedding invitation and wondering if she could also invite her son and his new fiance. I explained that we were really aiming for a small wedding and due to space restrictions I wouldn’t be able to accommodate them. About five minutes after that conversation he called me and told me that if his fiance couldn’t come to the wedding he wouldn’t come either….at which point I asked if he’d recieved an invitation. A mean question, because I know I didn’t send him one….so when he said he hadn’t I told him that should clear up everything for him. 

And then I danced a little jig to celebrate winning that one.

Ruby: 1  Crazy cousin: 0

Hey Brett?

I thought you were great at Green Bay, you were meh with the Jets and now you’re a Viking? Oh and that one year with the Falcons? You were crap. I know you used to drink alot so I understand some of your brain cells have called it quits…but listen…there’s a word you don’t know the  meaning of and you don’t seem to understand the concept…let me help. The word is: retire. Read below and pay attention to definition three.

Retire: re-tire

1. to withdraw, or go away or apart, to a place of privacy, shelter, or seclusion: He retired to his study. 

2. to go to bed: He retired at midnight.

3. to withdraw from office, business, or active life, usually because of age: to retire at the age of sixty.

 

  

Grand Theft Auto

I’ve never had recurring dreams or actually looked into dream analysis, most of the time I can’t remember what I dream anyway. The last few weeks though I have been having a variation of the same dream over and over. I’m always somewhere different but outside and I always steal an orange car. I have no idea why, I don’t even particularly care for the color orange. I wonder what it means…